The Little Mermaid

In cinemas now

Disney’s latest live-action remake of an animated classic is unfortunately as perfunctory as most of the others, although this one's casting did at least manage to upset a large number of racist trolls.

It has been apparent for some time that the House of Mouse isn’t interested in reimagining their tales of old for modern audiences, and The Little Mermaid is the latest example of this. While the casting of pop star Halle Bailey as Ariel could be perceived as being progressive, what really matters is the story actors are asked to tell and neither director Rob Marshall (of Chicago acclaim) nor screenwriter David Magee appear interested in saying anything of note.

This isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Not every dining experience has to be Michelin, and the same is true of cinema. Despite its aversion to risk, The Little Mermaid will likely do enough to please undemanding viewers, due largely to Bailey’s spirited performance and the toe-tapping musical numbers devised by original composer Alan Menken and Lin-Manuel Miranda.

That being said, a gratuitous runtime of 135 minutes will test younger audiences, and Bailey’s efforts are not matched by all of her co-stars. Jonah Hauer-King is painfully wooden as Prince Eric, while neither Javier Bardem or Melissa McCarthy do anything to suggest that they are here for anything other than monetary purposes. Despite being touted as otherwise, the CGI is also nauseatingly bad (never will you ever see a crab with creepier eyes than this iteration of Sebastian’s).

Nonetheless, bemoaning projects as cash oriented as this is an exercise in folly. It would be great if Disney ever decided to re-examine the narrative arcs of their princesses, but I doubt they ever will. So you can either sit back and enjoy the musical numbers, or just watch something else entirely.